She: I'll Live
by Laurel Slivers
Summary: was thinking...again


  
  
Disclaimer:  
I do NOT own Sailor Moon.  
  
  
Tittle: She: I'll Live   
Written by Laurel Slivers  
l_slivers@hotmail.com  
  
  
Mamo-chan...  
  
I address you in a term of endearment attached to   
your name.  
  
But, I know I must forget everything which endears me  
to you.  
  
After all, you told me the five words that made my life  
go downhill.  
  
"I don't love you anymore..."  
  
Isn't it a wonder?  
  
You told me that you don't love me anymore...  
  
You told me that while we were sitting together in that  
particular park bench.  
  
The bench I call the "Mamo bench"  
  
Because when we're there, seated next to each other,  
  
we forget.  
  
We forget time, space, the past and the future.  
  
The present was the only one surrounding us...  
  
...nothing more  
  
...nothing less.  
  
But, how quickly something can change.  
  
How only one meeting could change everything that had happened  
  
and will happen.  
  
It is a well known fact.  
  
Now, the bench is no longer the "Mamo bench."  
  
It will remain there in the park.  
  
Solitary.  
  
Stationary.  
  
Unmoving.  
  
Unfeeling.  
  
Serving its role as the witness of love blossoming.  
  
Love innocent and just beginning.  
  
Love unending...  
  
...yet.  
  
There is an environmental principle which proves  
this.  
  
"The Earth is finite and so is everything on it."  
  
There used to be something called "eternal love" in my  
sixteen years of living.  
  
Now, I cannot sense its existence.  
  
Is it gone?  
  
Is is it being buried underneath a pile of new feelings?  
  
Has it ended?  
  
Or, has it never really existed?  
  
  
The wind doesn't want to answer my question.  
  
Maybe, it never will...  
  
  
Mamo-chan,  
  
I've never really apologized for what I am now...  
  
I've never really apologized for Usagi Tsukino.  
  
But, what's the use of apologizing?  
  
I cannot seem to change what I am now.  
  
But, despite the thousand years, you remain unchanged  
  
but changed.  
  
I know that you're looking for Princess Serenity  
in me.  
  
I know that you want to see that graceful, perfect,  
beautiful princess...  
  
Instead of this klutzy, disgraceful nobody standing  
before you...  
  
  
My memories of the Silver Millenium are hazy.  
  
But, they are enough to make me realize some things.  
  
There is a thousand years in between Princess Serenity  
and me.  
  
You love the me of a thousand years ago.  
  
The me who lived in the Silver Millenium.  
  
The me who loved you with all her heart.  
  
The me you gave up your life for.  
  
  
I now know that our love started during the Silver Millenium.  
  
It started when we were born during that particular time and  
space, destined by the gods.  
  
And, propelled by the decree of the Alliance between the   
Earth Prince and the Moon Princess, we met, and willingly  
wanted to be joined together.  
  
Happy endings are meant only for fairy tales, aren't they?  
  
I know they are.  
  
The now annoying, "...and they lived happily ever after," haunts  
me.  
  
  
  
The Terran and Lunarian weren't able to become one  
in marriage.  
  
The enemy attacked...  
  
Both were killed...  
  
But, died, bound by their last memory...  
  
...dying for the other  
  
...together.  
  
  
Within this memories, there is the truth we are all aware of...  
  
The princess' and the prince's love...  
  
...died with their deaths  
  
...within that time  
  
...within that place.  
  
  
  
Mamo-chan...  
  
You did say that you don't love me anymore, didn't you?  
  
But, I saw something flash in your eyes when you told  
me that.  
  
A flash is not something you put your faith upon.  
  
Because, in the same speed of that flash, hope placed   
will dissolve like a forgotten bubble...  
  
Did that flash mean anger? hate? glee?  
  
or...  
  
...regret?  
  
  
Regret?  
  
I can laugh my head off right now at of the insanity   
of my guess.  
  
Why must you regret something you should have  
done since the beginning?  
  
Why did you bother to take the relationship deeper  
than the she-hit-me-with-a-balled-up-test-paper-on  
-the-head degree?  
  
You should have walked off and left me to dwell at  
my naivety.  
  
You should have ignored me like you did to others.  
  
You SHOULD have found someone you can be   
happy with.  
  
Someone more mature, more graceful, more beautiful.  
  
  
Why did you bother to waste your time on me?  
  
  
You must be thinking I'm beyond the borderline of  
derangement.  
  
I'm not.  
  
  
With the five words that you uttered, light had   
filtered in the dark confines of my mind.  
  
A mind so dumb as not to realize to get out of the   
murky waters of innocence.  
  
I thank you for doing it.  
  
  
  
I'll freely admit it.  
  
It hurts.  
  
The five words that you uttered had been tearing up  
my whole being since the time you uttered them.  
  
But, I'm trying to welcome the pain.  
  
Didn't someone say that past experiences make everyone   
of us wiser, stronger, happier?  
  
  
I'll try to heed that advice.  
  
  
  
Don't feel the least guilty about what you've done.  
  
Don't allow yourself to go on a guilt-trip because of me.  
  
Don't let your knowledge of the future interfere with your  
happiness.  
  
Don't let fate keep you from the freedom to do what you  
want to do.  
  
After all, the past is past.  
  
What had ended there, ends there.  
  
There is no set destiny.  
  
  
Live with the knowledge that you no longer live within the  
shadow of destiny.  
  
YOU'RE FREE!!!  
  
  
So, look for someone else.  
  
There are plenty of fish in the sea.  
  
Or if you've found someone else,  
  
tell her that I wish for the happiness of the both of you.  
  
  
  
Let's be happy and go on our own ways.  
  
  
The weather may be a bit gloomy for me for quite a while.  
  
But, the clouds will pass.  
  
I'll take our memories with me and live each day.  
  
And see...  
  
...what will be...  
  
  
...our new destiny.  
  
  
THE END  
  
  
  
Author's Notes:  
You may notice a bit of sarcasm in between the lines.  
Don't mind it. I guess I incorporated a bit of my dislike  
for Mamoru.  
If you've also noticed, I used Mamoru instead of the   
usual Darien. Well, I can't use the -chan with Darien  
(Dari-chan? YUK!).  
P.S. I'm too lazy to work at Reverted Destiny.  
So please bear with me.  
  
For comments, suggestions and FLAMES, email me at l_slivers@hotmail.com  
(that's a letter l not a number 1 k?).  
  
Bye!  
  
~Laurel Slivers  
  
  
  



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